Hello!
Just a quick note, I have returned to blogging. My family and I have a joint adventure blog set up to chronicle our experiences in Germany. Check us out!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Married white male, 31, employed, fit, non-smoker seeks self, thinks they enjoy a good book and long walk on the beach but doesn't really know...
Alright, here's the question: How did we get so lost? How did we get so convinced that we have to conform to a social norm? Are we hard coded to seek pattern and submission in our genetic makeup? Is it some kind of caveman tribal instinct to run and hide or put limits on how big the universe can be or how far our capabilities or gifting can take us? Or is it boundaries instituted by larger forces to keep you from being great?
The cliche claim to phsycadellic drugs were that they "open doors" & "take limits off" of minds, I think this sounds great but I am not on board with hallucinogens. The chemicals usually required to make your mind produce images and live in that alternate view of reality are pretty harsh. Here's my theory, the hallucinogens are a shortcut to what we can do or who we can become by temporarily disintegrating the boundaries we have assumed. The addiction is mental freedom and the limitlessness of our minds and our psyche. I believe these limits and this freedom is more available and greater through natural routes.
Terms like self-image, enlightenment and spirituality come with limits, boundaries and something you are supposed to be or to become; if not a public concept then a private ideology. A jello mold that snaps our mind into an unoriginal form that doesn't frighten us or keeps us from "going to far" and "getting carried away". I am beginning to think that casting off of assumptions and boundaries leads to a free mind more than a realization of mystical evasive truths.
Maybe the realization is just that, maybe it's as much as we have discovered, theorized and philosophized there is more that we don't know than what we do know. There is more about me and about you that we have ignored or forgotten! Stop being someone else or the concept of someone else. Stop being what other people want you to be and start being who you have to be!
The boundries in our lives are there to keep us from destroying ourselves, from going down. To escape we must go up. To escape we have to become more than those that would control us. To become more, we have to become ourselves. We automaticly win if we can be ourselves. You will be the only one of you in the world, speak the truth you know to the lost, debate the truth you want to learn with others who have come home to themselves. You'll naturally be great being you; you will naturally be the best.
The cliche claim to phsycadellic drugs were that they "open doors" & "take limits off" of minds, I think this sounds great but I am not on board with hallucinogens. The chemicals usually required to make your mind produce images and live in that alternate view of reality are pretty harsh. Here's my theory, the hallucinogens are a shortcut to what we can do or who we can become by temporarily disintegrating the boundaries we have assumed. The addiction is mental freedom and the limitlessness of our minds and our psyche. I believe these limits and this freedom is more available and greater through natural routes.
Terms like self-image, enlightenment and spirituality come with limits, boundaries and something you are supposed to be or to become; if not a public concept then a private ideology. A jello mold that snaps our mind into an unoriginal form that doesn't frighten us or keeps us from "going to far" and "getting carried away". I am beginning to think that casting off of assumptions and boundaries leads to a free mind more than a realization of mystical evasive truths.
Maybe the realization is just that, maybe it's as much as we have discovered, theorized and philosophized there is more that we don't know than what we do know. There is more about me and about you that we have ignored or forgotten! Stop being someone else or the concept of someone else. Stop being what other people want you to be and start being who you have to be!
The boundries in our lives are there to keep us from destroying ourselves, from going down. To escape we must go up. To escape we have to become more than those that would control us. To become more, we have to become ourselves. We automaticly win if we can be ourselves. You will be the only one of you in the world, speak the truth you know to the lost, debate the truth you want to learn with others who have come home to themselves. You'll naturally be great being you; you will naturally be the best.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A pendulum swings
It has been a while since I have blogged. Lots of reasons not worthy of going through, other than one. I ran into a few road blocks in the last week or two of splinters in my own character. I originally intended this blog to be used to flesh out some areas in my life that I wanted to grow in but it seems that nothing is private and true intentions are generally not considered so I became hesitant to write what I was dealing with. Fortunately this all came to a head on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's birthday.
In Dr. King's famous " I have a dream" speech he said "I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
The issue I had become painfully aware of was my judgement of others based on all kinds of visual factors, appearance, walk, talk, dress, chosen associations; everything other than content of their character.
Not only did this echo into my gut just as soon as I read the words but it also forced me into an area where I had to, and am still, examining my character. Firstly, I know nothing of the people that I am judging and while who we are on the inside is often portrayed on the outside, it is not always so. Nor does that count for the multiple layers that appearance has to make it through before it can be portrayed; peer pressure, fashion, etc Secondly, these are God's people I am judging, aren't they? Thirdly, the obvious flaws that are in my own character that are present to generate such feelings of disgust and intolerance need to be and will be dealt with.
Lastly, what is the content of our character? Who are we when no one is looking? How do we behave, act, think & feel that no one but us knows? Self-examination is paramount. Change is a must. Static is dying, let us grow and become so that we may grow others.
Life is such a ride. I am appreciative of all it has to offer and above all things I hope to love people. It will be in my own pain in the butt way, but I hope to display and act on love. Everything else is fleeting.
In Dr. King's famous " I have a dream" speech he said "I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
The issue I had become painfully aware of was my judgement of others based on all kinds of visual factors, appearance, walk, talk, dress, chosen associations; everything other than content of their character.
Not only did this echo into my gut just as soon as I read the words but it also forced me into an area where I had to, and am still, examining my character. Firstly, I know nothing of the people that I am judging and while who we are on the inside is often portrayed on the outside, it is not always so. Nor does that count for the multiple layers that appearance has to make it through before it can be portrayed; peer pressure, fashion, etc Secondly, these are God's people I am judging, aren't they? Thirdly, the obvious flaws that are in my own character that are present to generate such feelings of disgust and intolerance need to be and will be dealt with.
Lastly, what is the content of our character? Who are we when no one is looking? How do we behave, act, think & feel that no one but us knows? Self-examination is paramount. Change is a must. Static is dying, let us grow and become so that we may grow others.
Life is such a ride. I am appreciative of all it has to offer and above all things I hope to love people. It will be in my own pain in the butt way, but I hope to display and act on love. Everything else is fleeting.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Change, now it's time for change...
More and more I realize that there will never be an end to the changes in our life and it is those who consistently look for the merry-go-round of life to stop revolving and evolving that fall asleep at the wheel as their "life" passes them by.
How is that for an opener?!?
By nature, I resist change, my personality is one that doesn't like you to change the rules once I have a grip on the way things work. Recently I have realized that it is change that has ushered in some of the greatest things I have in my life; my wife, my girls, my friends, my personal growth, jobs, my trajectory, everything! If I had allowed myself to bury my head in the sand and attempt to ignore the ever-changing world around me I would have missed out on so much.
Is that to say that all change is positive change? No, that can't be, or there would be no contest in life. You cannot be a winner in life without a challenge to win, there cannot be a victor without a battle to fight, there cannot be an over comer without a circumstance to overcome! Inversely, if there are winners, then there are losers, if there are victors then there are victims, if there are over comers then there are the defeated.
So the question is what divides them? What is the difference? I can't pretend to know everything in the world but from where I stand it appears to be the attitude in which the change is viewed. Rarely can we keep the change from occurring but we can adjust ourselves to meet it with zeal and determination. The change is not the arena in which we fight, life is. We win at life. It is what we do. Why? Because we control our actions and attitudes, that's why.
The six inch battle between the temples is where it happens. If we can focus first on controlling our minds, faith and reactions to the oppositions or changes presented us, we can purposefully direct the course of our own lives and not be defined by the obstacles we meet.
I am excited ladies and gentlemen, life is good.
How is that for an opener?!?
By nature, I resist change, my personality is one that doesn't like you to change the rules once I have a grip on the way things work. Recently I have realized that it is change that has ushered in some of the greatest things I have in my life; my wife, my girls, my friends, my personal growth, jobs, my trajectory, everything! If I had allowed myself to bury my head in the sand and attempt to ignore the ever-changing world around me I would have missed out on so much.
Is that to say that all change is positive change? No, that can't be, or there would be no contest in life. You cannot be a winner in life without a challenge to win, there cannot be a victor without a battle to fight, there cannot be an over comer without a circumstance to overcome! Inversely, if there are winners, then there are losers, if there are victors then there are victims, if there are over comers then there are the defeated.
So the question is what divides them? What is the difference? I can't pretend to know everything in the world but from where I stand it appears to be the attitude in which the change is viewed. Rarely can we keep the change from occurring but we can adjust ourselves to meet it with zeal and determination. The change is not the arena in which we fight, life is. We win at life. It is what we do. Why? Because we control our actions and attitudes, that's why.
The six inch battle between the temples is where it happens. If we can focus first on controlling our minds, faith and reactions to the oppositions or changes presented us, we can purposefully direct the course of our own lives and not be defined by the obstacles we meet.
I am excited ladies and gentlemen, life is good.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Indeterminate growth
Hello class, today we discuss "Indeterminate Growth".
Indeterminate Growth is the condition or state of being in which an animal or plant continue to grow based on the size of their environment throughout the span of their life. This trait is common in vertebrae, fish and reptiles and THE HUMAN MIND.
"Ah, ha-ha! I got your attention with that one, didn't I?" Marshal smartly remarks to his class of zero.
More and more I realize that, as a friend of mine would say, we are a product of our environment.
I get to work with people a lot, it is the most interesting, frustrating, rewarding experience I can think of. I see people, including myself, from all different races, income levels, religions, self-esteems & ages plane out at precisely what they believe that they are worth. In all areas of our lives, ALL.
As a whole, we live up to the expectation for our life, the environment of our mind/soul/spirit. Not our dreams and goals or visions but the picture of ourselves that we can accept and not be twinged by a hint of doubt. It's a mental game, the whole enchilada, a big exercise in faith and growth. A game of how big can you believe and what do you see yourself worthy of? Not limited by our neighborhoods, education, parents, color or whatever other lame duck reason we can manufacture.
I believe it to backed up by scripture even; 3 John 1:2 " to prosper as does your soul prosper". How does my soul prosper? Growth, enlightenment, knowledge, faith, self-worth, realization of power, confidence, stability, becoming more! Mark 11:20-26 "to ask and not doubt in your heart and mountains will be moved", what kind of mountains? Literal? Figurative? I don't know but if at the worst they are only figurative and we can get the low expectation, hurt from the past, poor self-image, fear of people, hatred or sickness out of our life, wouldn't that be phenomenal enough?!? If it is literal then so be it! I say we try to not doubt and to prosper our souls as though it is!
Meditate on it, you don't have to cross your legs and go ahommmmmm, but think of it, often, strongly. Tell yourself that you are worth it, tell yourself it must be, picture yourself in it, make decisions based upon it.
You will begin to carry yourself in like fashion and the events of life will begin to line up to produce it. The entire world changes for a man of sustained thought.
Will there be challenges? You bet. It's a game, what is a game without surprises, traps and pitfalls? The only way to lose is to quit.
Indeterminate Growth is the condition or state of being in which an animal or plant continue to grow based on the size of their environment throughout the span of their life. This trait is common in vertebrae, fish and reptiles and THE HUMAN MIND.
"Ah, ha-ha! I got your attention with that one, didn't I?" Marshal smartly remarks to his class of zero.
More and more I realize that, as a friend of mine would say, we are a product of our environment.
I get to work with people a lot, it is the most interesting, frustrating, rewarding experience I can think of. I see people, including myself, from all different races, income levels, religions, self-esteems & ages plane out at precisely what they believe that they are worth. In all areas of our lives, ALL.
As a whole, we live up to the expectation for our life, the environment of our mind/soul/spirit. Not our dreams and goals or visions but the picture of ourselves that we can accept and not be twinged by a hint of doubt. It's a mental game, the whole enchilada, a big exercise in faith and growth. A game of how big can you believe and what do you see yourself worthy of? Not limited by our neighborhoods, education, parents, color or whatever other lame duck reason we can manufacture.
I believe it to backed up by scripture even; 3 John 1:2 " to prosper as does your soul prosper". How does my soul prosper? Growth, enlightenment, knowledge, faith, self-worth, realization of power, confidence, stability, becoming more! Mark 11:20-26 "to ask and not doubt in your heart and mountains will be moved", what kind of mountains? Literal? Figurative? I don't know but if at the worst they are only figurative and we can get the low expectation, hurt from the past, poor self-image, fear of people, hatred or sickness out of our life, wouldn't that be phenomenal enough?!? If it is literal then so be it! I say we try to not doubt and to prosper our souls as though it is!
Meditate on it, you don't have to cross your legs and go ahommmmmm, but think of it, often, strongly. Tell yourself that you are worth it, tell yourself it must be, picture yourself in it, make decisions based upon it.
You will begin to carry yourself in like fashion and the events of life will begin to line up to produce it. The entire world changes for a man of sustained thought.
Will there be challenges? You bet. It's a game, what is a game without surprises, traps and pitfalls? The only way to lose is to quit.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Today is a good day
Life is good.
Simple statement, massive implication. Life is hard! True but not the tone your life has to adhere to.
If the overwhelming experiences of our life is bad, painful and threatening we will conduct ourselves in a certain manner. In the same way, if our life has been has been filled with positive, joyful and safe experiences that outweigh the bad we would conduct ourselves in an entirely opposite manner. Does that indicate a type of predestination or does imply an absence of free will? Absolutely not. We are an unpredictable lot at best, humans are emotionally dodgy and influencable. But we can often decipher or delineate the reactions of others armed with the knowledge of thier history and others can do the same with us.
If we make our decisions with our conscience mind and direct our life against our cache of experiences, opinions, pains, joys, and influences and it is this that directs our path, then we should be able to sway the percentages in this cache or subconscience from negative to positive.
Put short and sweet, if we make the bulk of our knee jerk reactions or emotions or opinions off of this database of our personal history, we should be able to influence the input. We cannot change the past, we can change how we view it. We can not change the trajectory of others, we can change how we feel about them. We can change it all by the words out of our mouth and having the discipline to manage our reactions for a period in time enough to begin to sway the percentages of positive to negative experiences. Once we get over the dam it should become easier and easier.
One of the most disheartening things I see is an "adult" still being tossed to and fro by something they experienced at the hands of another fallible, imperfect, judgemental human being. Some have it worse than others, some people have been through hell. At some point you must grasp the rails of your own life and begin to sway the direction of your own destiny. Become the decider, not the predestined. Yes, what happened was wrong but do not allow it make wreckage of the rest of your life.
You have gifts, you have talents, that has not changed. Who told you that you could not win and things don't work out for you or that you are no good at something or no good in general? Who was it that said that you could not sing, write, dance, speak, influence or create? Who says you have to be a bad mother or father? That you have to live the same oppressed and ignorant existence you see displayed in your neighborhood? Someone in pain, that's who, someone who needed help themselves.
Let the dead bury the dead, shake the dust off of your sandals, move on, outgrow them. Direct your life, design your future, become strong, then, if possible, go back for survivors and help them.
You are worthy you are capable and "no" doesn't matter anymore. Live life out loud and make an impact.
Simple statement, massive implication. Life is hard! True but not the tone your life has to adhere to.
If the overwhelming experiences of our life is bad, painful and threatening we will conduct ourselves in a certain manner. In the same way, if our life has been has been filled with positive, joyful and safe experiences that outweigh the bad we would conduct ourselves in an entirely opposite manner. Does that indicate a type of predestination or does imply an absence of free will? Absolutely not. We are an unpredictable lot at best, humans are emotionally dodgy and influencable. But we can often decipher or delineate the reactions of others armed with the knowledge of thier history and others can do the same with us.
If we make our decisions with our conscience mind and direct our life against our cache of experiences, opinions, pains, joys, and influences and it is this that directs our path, then we should be able to sway the percentages in this cache or subconscience from negative to positive.
Put short and sweet, if we make the bulk of our knee jerk reactions or emotions or opinions off of this database of our personal history, we should be able to influence the input. We cannot change the past, we can change how we view it. We can not change the trajectory of others, we can change how we feel about them. We can change it all by the words out of our mouth and having the discipline to manage our reactions for a period in time enough to begin to sway the percentages of positive to negative experiences. Once we get over the dam it should become easier and easier.
One of the most disheartening things I see is an "adult" still being tossed to and fro by something they experienced at the hands of another fallible, imperfect, judgemental human being. Some have it worse than others, some people have been through hell. At some point you must grasp the rails of your own life and begin to sway the direction of your own destiny. Become the decider, not the predestined. Yes, what happened was wrong but do not allow it make wreckage of the rest of your life.
You have gifts, you have talents, that has not changed. Who told you that you could not win and things don't work out for you or that you are no good at something or no good in general? Who was it that said that you could not sing, write, dance, speak, influence or create? Who says you have to be a bad mother or father? That you have to live the same oppressed and ignorant existence you see displayed in your neighborhood? Someone in pain, that's who, someone who needed help themselves.
Let the dead bury the dead, shake the dust off of your sandals, move on, outgrow them. Direct your life, design your future, become strong, then, if possible, go back for survivors and help them.
You are worthy you are capable and "no" doesn't matter anymore. Live life out loud and make an impact.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Warm Holidays in a snow storm
Hey there, good morning! How was your Christmas? Ready for New Years? It's going to happen whether we are ready or not isn't it!
Holidays were great, Christmas Eve was a lot of fun. Brandy had the idea of an "Acts of Service Scavenger Hunt"; totally uncomfortable, totally awesome idea. I was not wild about it initially but it grew on me for sure. Everyone was involved, kids, adults, older adults and strangers. The concept is a list of good-Samaritan's acts to be acted upon in order to benefit someone not expecting it. Every thing from handing out Christmas cards to feeding the homeless or vacuuming someones carpet.
The initial fear of talking to strangers is wild. I have been meeting people for my Amway business for a long time but I still get the heebie jeebies interrupting someones life or momentum or thoughts. We met some amazing people who were entirely grateful and even offered us money in return (we didn't take it) and some other people who were totally taken off guard and made totally uncomfortable by the idea of someone doing something nice for them. It was a truly revealing experience in a lot of ways.
I got to see how scared even children are to talk to a strangers, I got to see how many strangers are afraid to be talked to! Almost everyone assumed that there was an angle or something required of them. Spoke a lot to the condition of the world and people's hearts.
I think it is a great exercise and a great family experience, I hope we do it many times again.
At the completion of the scavenger hunt we went home for opening gifts, dinner, a warm fire and the enjoyment of each others company. It was a great evening.
Christmas morning was just Brandy, Ryley & I, Ryley was given a miniature kitchen toy with all the pots, pan, toaster, phone & other accessories. She immediately went to Ryley land with it. I was amazed that she immediately knew what it was and what to do with it. She began to cook Brandy & I imaginary food and feed her baby dolls. This went on for an hour plus. We sat and drank coffee, watched her play and exchanged gifts. Brandy arranged a weekend at a winery for the two of us for a weekend in February, it will be a great trip and a great time. I attempted to buy shoes and a jacket for Brandy, I am a total novice at this and it showed! She appreciated the gifts and the gesture but I had picked the wrong size jacket and wrong size/style shoes, it will all be made right of course but women's clothing is obviously not my area of expertise, no fear of Marshal being a crossdresser!
That afternoon we went to my father-in-law's for dinner, 28 people there, all family! Talk about loud! Good fun though, a bit over whelming for me but Joe & Cindy pulled it off like champs, everyone was fed, full & happy. Good times had by all.
Roanoke was next on the list, we left out of Hampton Roads right in the middle of the biggest snow storm I can recall in the 13 years I have lived here. Made for a very interesting trip out of town, glad we pulled it off though, right before we got clear of the bad roads and bad weather I got a tad over confident and kicked the truck into a back and forth sideways skid that scared the pee jabbers out of both of us. Made for a good laugh when we pulled out of it though.
Christmas at my Dad's was great, he is all married and happy, it is a great sight to see. More food, more fun. Christmas at my mom's the next morning, more food, more fun, more food. Completed the day by changing spark plugs in 2 of my brother-in-law's cars, frozen solid but happy to help out. That night Brandy and I got to spend a little one-on-one time at a couple local restaurants. It always occurs to me that I would be perfectly happy trying to make her perfectly happy the rest of my life. I don't always do such a good job of it but I try and it is appreciated when I do I think but we are human and that means we are unpredictable at times. It is amazing to me how we can love people so much and still hurt them so much.
Back home that night after an arguous, long drive home which I managed to let slip by as wasted time. One home things got back on a positive page and we finished the night well. I would skip most of my day just to lay and hold Brandy at night. That is a drug I hope to never rehabilitate from.
Ups, downs, highs & lows. All invaluable parts of the human experience. I hope our ups outnumber the downs, I hope our highs outweigh the lows. It all becomes worth it in the end I think.
This life is a funny, unpredictable animal. You just can not call it. It is a totally untamed animal, it seems to me all we can do is work on ourselves.
I know if I can get me "right" enough I can master the lack of patience and mean natured temper that I seem to have been either born with or have adopted. I want my life to be more about the pursuit of enlightenment, control and self-mastery. I heard John Maxwell say recently that his definition of success is to have the one's that love you the most, to respect you the most. I think that is a life-changer. To become enough of a stable man for the people who see me with my armor off most often to respect me the most requires that my character and morals be fully intact and ring true all the way to the very core of my being. It is not so at this current moment in time.
The great thing about being alive is that just as everyone else is unpredictable in our eyes, we are also unpredictable in theirs. That means I can change! I can change absolutely everything about me if I want to, no one can keep me from doing this but myself. So, I will. I am going to be quicker to love and slower to hate. I am going to appreciate the great things about people and turn a blind eye to what I don't like. I won't be walked on or taken advantage of but I will be safe. I will be one of those calm places on earth where people can relax and let their guard down knowing that I am not going to pick apart or expose every flaw that they leave unprotected.
I am not the type to set New Year's resolutions but this will be a year of change for me. I will mold my character this year into something people will be proud to be associated with, my family will lean on and my kids will respect. I want to be regarded and remembered as a man who spent his life pouring into and helping others. I sit and watch our youngest, Ryley, love people and enjoy them. I think I can love people the way she does if I really try.
I could type forever today, I am full, my mind is racing but I need to close this out. I leave with this, life can be great, life can be a pleasure, we can be satisfied while in the pursuit, and we can love fully and uncompromisingly.
Holidays were great, Christmas Eve was a lot of fun. Brandy had the idea of an "Acts of Service Scavenger Hunt"; totally uncomfortable, totally awesome idea. I was not wild about it initially but it grew on me for sure. Everyone was involved, kids, adults, older adults and strangers. The concept is a list of good-Samaritan's acts to be acted upon in order to benefit someone not expecting it. Every thing from handing out Christmas cards to feeding the homeless or vacuuming someones carpet.
The initial fear of talking to strangers is wild. I have been meeting people for my Amway business for a long time but I still get the heebie jeebies interrupting someones life or momentum or thoughts. We met some amazing people who were entirely grateful and even offered us money in return (we didn't take it) and some other people who were totally taken off guard and made totally uncomfortable by the idea of someone doing something nice for them. It was a truly revealing experience in a lot of ways.
I got to see how scared even children are to talk to a strangers, I got to see how many strangers are afraid to be talked to! Almost everyone assumed that there was an angle or something required of them. Spoke a lot to the condition of the world and people's hearts.
I think it is a great exercise and a great family experience, I hope we do it many times again.
At the completion of the scavenger hunt we went home for opening gifts, dinner, a warm fire and the enjoyment of each others company. It was a great evening.
Christmas morning was just Brandy, Ryley & I, Ryley was given a miniature kitchen toy with all the pots, pan, toaster, phone & other accessories. She immediately went to Ryley land with it. I was amazed that she immediately knew what it was and what to do with it. She began to cook Brandy & I imaginary food and feed her baby dolls. This went on for an hour plus. We sat and drank coffee, watched her play and exchanged gifts. Brandy arranged a weekend at a winery for the two of us for a weekend in February, it will be a great trip and a great time. I attempted to buy shoes and a jacket for Brandy, I am a total novice at this and it showed! She appreciated the gifts and the gesture but I had picked the wrong size jacket and wrong size/style shoes, it will all be made right of course but women's clothing is obviously not my area of expertise, no fear of Marshal being a crossdresser!
That afternoon we went to my father-in-law's for dinner, 28 people there, all family! Talk about loud! Good fun though, a bit over whelming for me but Joe & Cindy pulled it off like champs, everyone was fed, full & happy. Good times had by all.
Roanoke was next on the list, we left out of Hampton Roads right in the middle of the biggest snow storm I can recall in the 13 years I have lived here. Made for a very interesting trip out of town, glad we pulled it off though, right before we got clear of the bad roads and bad weather I got a tad over confident and kicked the truck into a back and forth sideways skid that scared the pee jabbers out of both of us. Made for a good laugh when we pulled out of it though.
Christmas at my Dad's was great, he is all married and happy, it is a great sight to see. More food, more fun. Christmas at my mom's the next morning, more food, more fun, more food. Completed the day by changing spark plugs in 2 of my brother-in-law's cars, frozen solid but happy to help out. That night Brandy and I got to spend a little one-on-one time at a couple local restaurants. It always occurs to me that I would be perfectly happy trying to make her perfectly happy the rest of my life. I don't always do such a good job of it but I try and it is appreciated when I do I think but we are human and that means we are unpredictable at times. It is amazing to me how we can love people so much and still hurt them so much.
Back home that night after an arguous, long drive home which I managed to let slip by as wasted time. One home things got back on a positive page and we finished the night well. I would skip most of my day just to lay and hold Brandy at night. That is a drug I hope to never rehabilitate from.
Ups, downs, highs & lows. All invaluable parts of the human experience. I hope our ups outnumber the downs, I hope our highs outweigh the lows. It all becomes worth it in the end I think.
This life is a funny, unpredictable animal. You just can not call it. It is a totally untamed animal, it seems to me all we can do is work on ourselves.
I know if I can get me "right" enough I can master the lack of patience and mean natured temper that I seem to have been either born with or have adopted. I want my life to be more about the pursuit of enlightenment, control and self-mastery. I heard John Maxwell say recently that his definition of success is to have the one's that love you the most, to respect you the most. I think that is a life-changer. To become enough of a stable man for the people who see me with my armor off most often to respect me the most requires that my character and morals be fully intact and ring true all the way to the very core of my being. It is not so at this current moment in time.
The great thing about being alive is that just as everyone else is unpredictable in our eyes, we are also unpredictable in theirs. That means I can change! I can change absolutely everything about me if I want to, no one can keep me from doing this but myself. So, I will. I am going to be quicker to love and slower to hate. I am going to appreciate the great things about people and turn a blind eye to what I don't like. I won't be walked on or taken advantage of but I will be safe. I will be one of those calm places on earth where people can relax and let their guard down knowing that I am not going to pick apart or expose every flaw that they leave unprotected.
I am not the type to set New Year's resolutions but this will be a year of change for me. I will mold my character this year into something people will be proud to be associated with, my family will lean on and my kids will respect. I want to be regarded and remembered as a man who spent his life pouring into and helping others. I sit and watch our youngest, Ryley, love people and enjoy them. I think I can love people the way she does if I really try.
I could type forever today, I am full, my mind is racing but I need to close this out. I leave with this, life can be great, life can be a pleasure, we can be satisfied while in the pursuit, and we can love fully and uncompromisingly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)